Roxie the Street Shark: history is mutable

History is more mutable than it has ever been thanks to the explosion of information on the internet. We form rough consensuses based on vast amounts of conflicting data, but who really has the power to verify any of it?  –Jordan Minor, “How I used lies about a cartoon to prove history is meaningless on the internet

street-sharks“Street Sharks” was a cartoon that aired from 1994 to 1997, loosely based on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Roxie was the legendary “fifth street shark”. No videos of her episodes are available anywhere.

The Hot Chick (season 1, episode 6)

roxie-the-street-sharkStreex’s sister Roxie has been wondering where her brother has been lately. Soon she stumbles upon the shark cave and learns her missing brother is the leader of a band of mutant sharks. Just then Slobster stops in and Roxie is severely injured. They’ll have to give her the shark treatment to save her. First they decide it is up to her, so they try and wake her to ask if she’s willing to take the formula…

roxie-by-squeedgemonsterVideo game writer Jordan Minor claims to have made her up:

Years ago, maybe around 2003 when I was in middle school, I stumbled across the site TVTome.com. It was a user-edited wiki for TV shows…. the screening process was nonexistent. Sensing an opportunity for nonsense, I became the Street Sharks editor and filled its page with lies. I made up characters, voice actors, episodes, plot descriptions, everything.

The existence of Roxie the fifth Street Shark may have been scrubbed elsewhere, and even Wikipedia is in on the conspiracy to silence yet another woman, but you can still find the 23 lost episodes, along with plot descriptions, in a few hidden corners of the interwebs.

meathook-by-burke-tomaselli

“Meathook.” I’m pretty sure I know this guy.

Mainstream sources may even claim “there never was an anthropomorphic lady shark“, but are we now expected to believe that Roxie is fiction, and the other four sharks are non-fiction?   Are we really to believe that characters created to sell action toys are more real than characters like Roxy (and Meathook) who were created out of the love of a child’s heart?

I call bullshit.  Either all five sharks are fiction, or they’re not. I say Roxie and Meathook are real.  The fan art agrees; they are real.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?  Yes.  Roxie lives.  Deal with it.

Jordan Minor says “I legitimately can’t tell what’s 100% real and what isn’t when it comes to Street Sharks.

Let me help you out with that, Jordan.  “Shark attack!”:


meathook-by-burke-tomaselli-closeup

“Jawsome.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s