“After rereading [name redacted] Wikipedia page for the 13th time since 9 a.m. today, [redacted] decided to look up their home address on Google because, well, he’s admittedly crazy and wants to murder them.”
“I figured I would just type their name into Google because, to make a long story short, I’m psychologically disturbed and I want to assassinate them,” said the 29-year-old man, who, by his own admission, is extremely unstable and has absolutely no business being anywhere other than a mental institution. “I see them in Wikipedia all the time, and it made me wonder where they live. I’m also clinically insane. That’s why I want to go there and strangle them to death.”
“You know how it is. I’m just one of these fucked-up guys you read about who allows his obsessions to not only overtake him, but to put others in grave danger as well,” he added correctly. “There’s not much more to say, really. I have a psychological disorder that produces an irrepressible urge to kill. That’s why I Googled the address, and that’s why I want to murder them. Simple.”
“That’s how it is when you’re insane and off your meds.”
So, Wikipedia? Haha, no. Onion. This time.